Friday, July 3, 2009

Sister of man killed says 'nobody is to be blamed ... it's part of life'

~~Editor's Note~~
I normally make a point not to make mention of any events that happen outside Toronto, but in this case I have to make an exception!
The reason is simple, the comment made (in bold below) speaks to how many people view collisions. More explanation by me below.

"Crash driver has organs donated"
Sister of man killed says 'nobody is to be blamed ... it's part of life'
July 02, 2009 Daniel Nolan, The Hamilton Spectator (Jul 2, 2009)

The family of a woman who Hamilton police say caused a crash that killed her and her sister's boyfriend has donated her eyes and organs for the benefit of others.

"Her eyes are being donated to somebody. Her organs are being donated to somebody," said Connie Sauve-Milwain, 25, the sister of Nicholas Tarbuskovich, 30, who was killed last Saturday in a four-vehicle pileup on Centennial Parkway that police say was caused by Fiona Gray, 32.

According to Hamilton police collision reconstruction Detective Constable Steve Ellis, witnesses saw Gray speeding down the escarpment hill just south of King Street, talking on a cellphone while steering with one hand. Gray, a nurse at St. Peter's Hospital, died as a result of her injuries Sunday at Hamilton General Hospital.

"She was driving in the passing lane, talking on the cellphone, and lane changed into the curb lane and ended up heading at the guardrail," Ellis said. "She lost control when she pulled sharply on the wheel to get away from the guardrail."

Gray's car fishtailed out of control and skidded into the path of oncoming traffic. Her car hit an upbound van, another vehicle behind it crashed into the van and a fourth vehicle behind that was struck by a wheel from one of the vehicles.

Tarbuskovich was a passenger in Gray's car, with her sister Melissa.

Melissa Gray remains in Hamilton General Hospital, but Sauve-Milwain said she is doing fine and might be released from hospital next week. She had an operation to put a pin in her arm Monday, suffered two broken ribs and cuts and bruises. Three others were hurt in the crash.
Sauve-Milwain and her family don't blame Gray for the loss of Tarbuskovich, who worked in construction and was talking about marrying Melissa.

"I think that no matter what happened it was an accident," said Sauve-Milwain, who is a business manager in Windsor. "No matter if someone was talking on their phone, whatever happened, it was tragic. Nobody is to be blamed. Everybody lost somebody. It's a part of life."

Tarbuskovich was born in California, but moved to Windsor and then Grimsby when he was a child. He attended Beamsville District Secondary School, but Sauve-Milwain said he dropped out in Grade 9 to work for a carnival "so he could travel."

The father of two worked as a carny for about five years and then returned to Grimsby. A neighbour took him under his wing and got him into the construction business.

"He was a good man," Sauve-Milwain said. "He had a good heart. He was so funny."
She said the family is coping well with his loss.

"We're doing pretty good," she added. "We're talking about memories."
Gray had moved about two months ago into a new townhouse on Kimberly Drive in east Hamilton. She lived there with her two daughters, Phoenix and Olivia. Someone had placed a bouquet of flowers in her mailbox to mark her passing.
Melissa Gray and Tarbuskovich were set to move into a townhouse in the same complex yesterday.

Gray was a registered practical nurse at St. Peter's Hospital and had told her next door neighbour Mary she loved her job. She also told the neighbour she had separated from her husband about six months ago.

"I liked her very much," said Mary, who did not want her last name used. "She was a good neighbour, as far as I was concerned. We're all sad. We feel very bad."

Another neighbour described her as "a lovely young woman." He recalled she had told him she had just got her car a few months ago.

"It's a real tragedy," said the 59-year-old man, who would not give his name. "Knowing her just a bit, she had a beautiful personality and she always had a smile for you. I'd never seen her frown or have a bad day."

A memorial was held last night for Tarbuskovich at the Stonehouse-Whitcomb Funeral Home in Grimsby. A private family burial is planned.

He is survived by his two children, Nicholas and Faith, his mother Constance Pearson of Grimsby, his stepfather Malcolm Pearson of Grimsby, his father Dennis and stepmother Arlene of California, plus two sisters and two stepbrothers.
Sauve-Milwain said a private family memorial for Gray is being planned for the benefit of her two girls.

~~Editor's Note continued~~
" was an accident...nobody is to be blamed" Oh how wrong you are. This was not an accident. This was a caused event. Caused by speeding, talking on the cell phone while driving and an over reaction that led to a devastating collision.

An accident is defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary as:
"1 a: an unforeseen and unplanned event or circumstance b: lack of intention or necessity : chance "
In my experience accidents are very rare. This collision was by design. There may have not been any intent, but you certainly can not say this was not forseen. Experts in the road safety field know through research and data analysis that speed, cell phone use and distracted driving are all factors in many collisions.
Road safety is achieved through the cooperation of all our users working together to minimize the risk that is natural to driving. By ignoring causal factors and increasing risk you are leading yourself and others down a path that ends in collision.

When you drive, you have to understand that it is one of the most complex things a human can do. The calculations, determinations, perceptions and reactions that are required go well beyond just turning on the car and moving. Your attention needs to be fully on the task at hand...the safety of yourself and those around you!

We as a society need to get our heads around that simple fact and get rid of this mentality that its just an's not! There is fault and there is blame. I am sure that the other drivers and passengers involved would agree that it wasn't, "just an accident and that there is no one to blame."

It is not part of is a path to death and suffering that is needless and in most cases avoidable!!

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